His Past Returns to Heal
by dreamer one
Summary: Surprise visitors from Jack's past give him an unexpected opportunity to heal old wounds. This is Part 3 in the Alone series, but can be read as a stand alone. JackSam pairing.
1. Chapter 1 Nightmares

_Summary: Surprise visitors from Jack's past give him an unexpected opportunity to heal old wounds. J/S_

_A/N: His Past Returns to Heal is Part 3 of the Alone series, but can be read on its own._

* * *

Chapter One: Nightmares

The night was bleak and cold. Darkness encompassed the young teen as he rode his mountain bike at top speed around the curving streets of his Chicago suburb. To make things worse, the rain had turned icy and he felt pellets of hail hitting his face. He didn't care. He had to catch up. He was behind. The car was too fast for him. He couldn't catch it.

The boy was a star athlete. Always had been good, or so everyone told him. In peak condition, but still, he wasn't good enough. He'd never been good enough to stop the destruction he watched happen over and over again.

If only he could catch him this time.

The car rounded the final corner. He heard the shattering crash one more time and the scene changed. The funeral, the end.

Jack woke up with a start, sitting ramrod straight in the bed, eyes wide.

The recurring nightmare had started shortly after his father's death. Within a few months, he'd gotten used to. It was the same old nightmare, all the time. He came to expect it. In his dream he was always on his bike trying to catch his father's car before it could go off the road and down the embankment. The dream didn't logically make a lot of sense, it didn't follow the events of that night, but hey, what nightmare did? In reality, Jack hadn't known about his dad's death until the next morning when the police came to the house.

The memories always came flooding back when Jack would awaken from this particular dream. How his father had gone out drinking at his favorite watering hole, one last time. It wasn't odd that he hadn't come home that night. He'd often stay all night at the bar or go home with a woman he'd met that night. (After the fight with his son just two months before his death, Jonathan O'Neill had stopped bringing women home with him.)

Once he'd started Special Forces training, this particular nightmare was replaced by nasty dreams of wartime horrors. Jack wasn't sure which was worse. At least he'd been used to his pathetic family story. He'd learned to take it in stride and slough it off come morning. But as an adult, he was out of practice.

The "father nightmare" restarted after the twins were born. He'd have it a lot when Sam wasn't home. Like most of the nightmares, it seemed to stay at bay when Sam was close by. If he had the dream when Sam was with him, she would console and comfort him. At first, the soldier in him had been humiliated. Eventually, the man inside felt safe enough to pour out his heart to the woman he loved.

Jack was shaken from his musings by the insistent ringing of his cell.

"O'Neill."

"O'Neill, your presence is required at the SGC immediately. Samantha's team is overdue. Doctor Frasier will be at the house presently to watch 'the munchkins'". Teal'c delivered his message with the matter-of –fact calmness Jack had always envied.

All the same, he felt like he'd been kicked in the gut, caught his breath and asked briefly, "Sam…?"

"There is no word on her condition, but we have been told the team has sustained injuries."

"I'm on my way as soon as Janet arrives."

OoOoOo

Janet arrived within fifteen minutes of the call from Teal'c. After kissing each of his sleeping children and thanking Janet for her help, Jack headed to the SGC, taking back roads he knew were seldom patrolled, allowing him to break the speed limit with impunity.

Jack and Sam had been married three years now. They'd moved back to Colorado Springs from a 2 year sojourn in Washington D.C., a little over 3 months ago. They'd been blessed with twins, Grace and Jake, now two-year-old angelic terrors.

The past three years had been challenging for the O'Neills to say the least. They'd dealt with new jobs, new homes, startling telekinetic powers suddenly developed by Sam, and NID intrigue. To make things worse, Jack, and with him his wife, had come head to head with one of his worse nightmares, his own alcoholism.

Throughout these years, the strength of devotion between Sam Carter and Jack O'Neill had grown, proportionate to the adversity they'd faced. As if their personal challenges hadn't been enough, the development of strong telekinetic powers in their two young children had stretched their adaptability to its limits. The subsequent trip to Kheb where they'd sought help from the Ancients and the discovery of a secret plot involving the Trust and one of their most valued friends in the Washington area had finally convinced them that it was time to return home to the Springs.

In addition to parenting and family life, which both Jack and Sam now viewed as their top priority, responsibilities to the Air Force, the SGC, the Pentagon and even the NID remained important parts of their lives. Since relocating to the Springs, Sam was once again integrally involved in the SGC labs as well as reclaiming her role as team leader on off world missions requiring her special expertise. Jack had worked out an arrangement where he could do much of his Homeworld Security administrative work from home, Nellis or Star Gate Command. The agreement was that he would be available in Washington at least twice monthly for meetings with the Joint Chiefs. To that end, he and Sam maintained an apartment in the capitol. As much as possible, she and the twins would accompany Jack on these trips.

Jack's life had never been happier or more fulfilled. The nightmare he'd had tonight was nothing compared to the present day waking nightmare of loosing any member of his present day family.

OoOoOo

Jack O'Neill waited nervously in Hank Landry's office. He didn't do waiting well. Called as he was at 0300, he was tired, yes, but more fearful than anything. Jack O'Neill didn't do fear well either. If he was afraid, he seldom showed it.

He was showing it now. Pacing Landry's office, fiddling with everything in site, he'd already punched a hole in the wall and Landry himself was ready to order him to the infirmary to wait it out.

"Jack, there's nothing either of us can do at this point but wait. Sam will make it back."

"That's just it Hank, there should be something I can do. My wife is out there risking her life and I'm flying a desk. What the hell am I thinking?" the overwrought husband asked, kicking his friend's wall for the umpteenth time. "Okay, let's send a message through the MALP. Maybe there's news."

"Incoming traveler," a familiar voice announced, relieving Landry of the need to contradict his superior's suggestion. Within seconds both men were bounding down the stairs to the control room.

Holding his breath as the chevrons lit and the gate turned all too slowly, Jack was more than ready when the iris opened. To his great relief, four SGC personnel came through the gate, his wife one of them, looking none the worse for wear.

She looked surprised to see him entering the gate room at what could only be described as a barely restrained gallop. Before she knew it, he was on the ramp wrapping his arms around her and holding on tightly

OoOoOo

"You look awful," she told him, gazing at the stubble on his face and the circles under his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just fine, now you're home," Jack answered, swallowing hard to prevent leakage of any of the tears that threatened to make their appearance. Sam got the message, sensed his discomfort and motioned him from the gateroom.

"You're okay, right?"

"I'm fine, Jack. I'm sorry you were so worried. We couldn't get a coherent message through the gate, too much interference."

"Teal'c told me there were injuries. I thought…"

"I'm fine, really," she said, discretely turning towards him in the hallway to search his eyes. "I promise, I'll tell you all about it in gory detail when we get home. Can you wait for me? Shouldn't be more than an hour."

"Sure thing…I'll be in Landry's office…" Jack reluctantly parted from Sam to wait in Hank's office while she showered and completed the official debrief. Arriving at Landry's door, he met a young airman, obviously intimidated by the three star General standing before him.

"Sir, I have a message for you, sir. It's from Doctor Frasier," the frazzled twenty-something airman stammered.

_What now? _Jack thought.

"Thank you, airman. You're dismissed."

* * *

A_/N: Welcome to a new story. The plan is to give you a glimpse of Jack and his family of origin. (Obviously, we have little if any information about Jack O'Neill's parents in Stargate canon, so I made it up. What can I say?)_

_Hint: A surprise character appears in the next chapter._

_Hope you enjoy the story. Again it is an integral part of the Alone series, but can be read and enjoyed, I think, as a stand alone._

_Please, please, please review! Thank you_


	2. Chapter 2 Who Are You & Why Are You Here

"Sir, I have a message for you, sir. It's from Doctor Frasier," the frazzled twenty- something airman stammered. 

What now? Jack thought, taking the written message from the young man.

"Thank you, airman. You're dismissed."

* * *

Chapter Two: Who Are You and Why Are You Here?

Once inside Hank's office, Jack opened the message immediately. _Please tell me nothing's wrong with the twins_, he thought. To his relief, the message seemed completely unrelated to any of his family members. Apparently, Janet had answered a call from a Maureen Cramer requesting an appointment on Jack's next sortie to Washington, actually later this week. The woman must have made quite the impression on Janet to merit a call to the SGC!

Maybe he wasn't reading it right. Who was this lady? Was he supposed to know her? After all, what stranger in their right mind would call him at home at 0700 to arrange a meeting at the Pentagon? Well, it was 1000 hours in Washington. But still, his curiosity was aroused. And how the hell had she gotten his home number?

There was one way to find out. He did have a call back number. But he'd be damned if he'd give this woman special attention after she had the gall to call him at home.

Right now, he was simply relieved things were okay at home. It was 0800. The kids were probably up by now and giving Janet a run for her money. Completely dismissing the message from Maureen Cramer for the moment, Jack picked up the phone to call Doc Frasier, letting her know reinforcements were on the way.

OoOoOo

Maureen Cramer checked her voice mail for the third time this morning. _Why doesn't he call back so we can get this over with_, she thought. She'd tried to contact him at his Washington office, but got such a run around she'd nearly given up scheduling an appointment with Lieutenant General Jack O'Neill. She was beginning to think she'd need top level security clearance just to meet the man.

Attempting to make an appointment at his Colorado Springs office was even more frustrating. Seems there really wasn't a good reason for a major player in the National Security game to meet with a sports broadcaster.

Maureen was a 30 year old reporter for the Washington Post. Talented and ambitious, she yearned to be the kind of investigative reporter whose stories would include interviews with people like Jack O'Neill. So far, that ambition was still a dream. Her usual beat was the sports desk and she was quite good at it. So good, she moonlighted as a sports anchor at one of the local television stations.

She'd first heard of Jack O'Neill at the company Christmas party. It was there she'd overheard a colleague discussing the non-classified exploits of the newest Washington superstar. Maureen was intrigued by the stories told about the man. Once she'd seen pictures, she was instantly attracted to him and disappointed to hear he was married.

By the time last week's Sunday Post arrived at the home she shared with her mother, she'd forgotten the man existed. But there on the front page of her paper was a lead article focusing on changes at the Pentagon since the 9/11 terrorist attacks. As part of that report, there was mention of changes in the Homeland Security office, complete with the announcement of General O'Neill's move to Colorado Springs. The article sported a glorious and telling picture of the very same gentleman.

The remainder of that Sunday morning had been anything but ordinary for Maureen and her family.

Since that fateful day, Maureen had been obsessed with finding a way to meet the handsome Lt. General who was obviously too busy for her. Finally, she decided to ask for help. A colleague posted to the Pentagon owed her more than a few favors. It was time to call in the markers.

Maureen knew Dan Riley was assigned to interview General O'Neill later that week during one of his monthly trips back to the Pentagon. She arranged to switch assignments with Dan. She knew she was risking her career, but felt she had no choice. This couldn't wait much longer.

_Hopefully Jack O' Neill will realize I had no choice_, she thought.

OoOoOo

The day and the time finally arrived. It was now or never.

Announced by his secretary, Maureen strode into the General's posh, impressive office as if she owned it. Her confident presentation was nothing like the insecure little girl she felt like inside. Pulling herself up to her full five foot, eight inch height, remembering the effect her flowing red hair and green eyes usually had on men, and determined to accomplish her mission, she walked up to the three star general and held out her hand.

"General O'Neill, I'm Maureen Cramer, sir. I'm here for the Post interview. Thank you for agreeing to see me."

"Ms. Cramer, is it?" O'Neill questioned with a strict military tone. "I've never seen you at the press briefings. However, I have seen you on the sidelines during some of my favorite hockey broadcasts. My wife calls you my 'eye candy'. Excuse me, but it seems strange that the Post would send you for this interview."

_Damn it, he had my press credentials rechecked! He knew. Well at least I'm here_, Maureen thought.

"General, actually it is a bit strange, my being here that is. I'm afraid I'm here under false pretenses, but I couldn't figure out how to meet you any other way."

"Ms. Cramer. I don't have time for this," Jack said, clearly not interested in explanations. He reached for the phone. "I'm calling the MPs to escort you from the building."

"Wait, please. I'm here, just hear me out. Haven't you ever broken the rules for something really important?"

Jack put down the phone and fixed the gutsy young reporter with his best "doesn't it say General anywhere on my uniform" stare. When he'd tortured Maureen long enough, he cleared his throat, grinned slightly and said, "You've got me there, Ms. Cramer. Okay, you're here and I've got ten minutes. It's all yours. But before we start, who are you, really?"

'I'm your sister, Jack."

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Please review. I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions for this story. 


	3. Chapter 3 What's Going On?

_Okay, you're here and I've got ten minutes. It's all yours. But before we start, who are you, really?"_

"_I'm your sister, Jack."_

* * *

CHAPTER 3: WHAT'S GOING ON?

"You're what?"

"I'm your sister."

"There's a small problem here, Ms… Cramer is it? I'm an only child. I don't have a sister."

"I guess more precisely I'm your half sister."

Jack was dumbfounded. _What's this woman talking about? I bet dad got one of those women pregnant. This is gonna be good, I just know it,_ he thought.

"Okay, Ms. Cramer. You have my attention. What is it you want and who are you?"

"All I want is to talk with you, Jack. I **am** your sister. I'm your mother's child."

_My mother? My mother's daughter? When? Who? My mind was filled with a hundred questions at once. What was I supposed to say to this?_

"What am I supposed to say to that?" He said out loud.

"Supposed to say? I have no idea. If it helps, I was surprised to hear I had a brother. Even more surprised a couple weeks ago when I found out it was you."

"Okay, let's start at the beginning," Jack said, motioning Maureen to take a seat. "Can I get you something, coffee, a soft drink, juice?" he asked trying his best to appear cool, calm and collected.

"No, let's get to it, shall we. We haven't got a lot of time." Maureen said, sensing that the advantage was now all hers.

Having no idea what she was talking about, Jack simply let his "sister" continue.

"When I was about sixteen, my father died. Mom sat me down after the funeral and told me she'd been married before she met Dad. I couldn't believe she'd never told me. I'd known she was a lot older than most mothers of my classmates. I thought she just hadn't found the right man until my dad." Maureen smiled softly as she recalled her father. "They were perfect together, Jack. I wish you could have seen them." Jack winced as he contemplated the possible truth of Maureen's story.

"Anyway, Mom told me about her life before she met Dad. The story came in bits and pieces. I know it was hard for her. In the first weeks after Dad's death she started to tell me things about her old life, her first marriage, how unhappy it was. Later on she told me she had a son. She'd always avoid telling me your name; I think she was afraid I'd look for you. I didn't push, she seemed so sad. Whenever she'd mention you, she'd start crying."

_She ought to cry. God knows I shed enough tears over that woman_, Jack thought, wondering exactly where this story was going.

"I know she regrets leaving you, Jack. I think it's haunted her for years."

"Really? Could've fooled me," he stated coldly. "I have to admit, this is an interesting walk down memory lane, Ms. Cramer, but what is it you want?"

"Okay, right to the point. I can do that. The point is, Mom's dying. All she wants is to see you and talk with you before she dies. She wants to make amends."

Jack's first instinct was to scream his fury at this woman who had the audacity to walk in here and dredge up feelings and memories he'd tried so hard to bury over the years. Fortunately years of training had helped him control his first impulses and he called on all of that training now to keep from blasting Maureen away with his rage.

"Ms. Cramer, for many years I wanted to see my mother, needed to see my mother. This isn't one of those years. It's too late for this. Please leave now." Jack was operating in full military mode. Shields were up and no one, especially Maureen Cramer was getting through those carefully constructed walls.

Maureen knew better than to push any further right now. "I'll leave numbers where you can reach me if you change your mind, General. I hope to hear from you soon. We don't have much time."

As Maureen calmly left his office, Jack stood numbly behind his massive desk, holding a paper with phone numbers in his hand. Attached to that paper was a small envelope addressed to him. He recognized the handwriting immediately. It was his mother's.

* * *

_I love to hear reactions to the story, positive or negative. Please continue to review._

_And thanks for all your messages so far; glad to know you are reading!_


	4. Chapter 4 The Letter

_As Maureen calmly left his office, Jack stood numbly behind his massive desk, holding a paper with phone numbers in his hand. Attached to that paper was a small envelope addressed to him. He recognized the handwriting immediately. It was his mother's.__

* * *

CHAPTER 4: THE LETTER _

_This couldn't be happening, could it?_ He hadn't seen his mother since he was 12 years old. After years of fighting and screaming and being beaten by his father, Jack's mother had had enough. One morning she was just gone. She'd left a letter then too, addressed to him, asking him to understand. He never really understood why she'd left him with his father. He'd tried everything a twelve year old boy could do to look for her back then. He hoped and prayed she'd come back for him. But when she didn't show up after his father died, he'd given up. Love and sadness had turned to anger and almost hatred. Or so he thought.

But now he couldn't help himself. He had to read this letter.

Jack O'Neill sat down with a heavy sigh as he began to read his mother's words.

"Dear Jack,

I've been waiting so long to talk with you. I'm not sure how to begin, but here goes.

Before anything else, I want you to know how sorry I am for leaving you. You have every right to be angry with me, hate me even. But I hope you can find it in your heart to hear me out.

I was a coward. I needed to get out of that house. I had no idea how I would support myself, let alone you. I really thought you'd be okay. Your father had never laid a hand on you and you were getting big enough to defend yourself. Once I'd been gone for awhile, I felt too guilty to come back for you. Then I heard he'd died and Aunt Dorothy had stepped up to take you in. Ibelieved you were better off with your aunt and uncle."

Jack felt tears streaming down his face. It was like the past thirty some years never happened and he was a teenager once more. _I'm not going to let her do this to me again_, he thought sadly. _I'm a three star general for crying out loud, why am I crying over my mother?_

But he kept reading, he couldn't stop himself.

"From what I've read, you've grown into a strong, powerful man. I'd lost track of you for a long time. It was like you dropped off the face of the earth for years after your aunt and uncle died. And then there you were 2 weeks ago, big as life on the front page of the Post.

I know Maureen has told you that I'm sick. I'm hoping you can find it in your heart to let me see you just once more. It's your choice, Jack.

I do love you,

Momma"

OoOoOo

(One hour later)

"Daddy's home!" Grace announced as loudly as she could.

"How's my little girl?" Jack asked, swinging Grace up into his arms and spinning her around.

"Hi Daddy. Me love you!" Grace exclaimed in her usual welcome home tone of voice.

Hoping they'd always be as happy to see him come home as they were right now, Jack replied from his heart, "And I love you, Princess. Now what do you think your mommy and brother are up to."

"Mommy cook".

"Oh-oh. You mean by herself? Hmm? What do say we give her a hand?"

"Okay, Daddy."

Jack made his way to the apartment kitchen with Grace on his shoulder. He was so grateful that Sam and the kids had been able to make the trip to Washington with him this time. He needed his family with him more than ever tonight.

"Hi," Sam said cheerfully, looking up from the table where she was attempting to form hamburger patties.

"You know, they sell those pre-made," he quipped, just waiting for Sam's reaction.

Giving him a withering look, Sam wiped her messy hands on her apron and reached over to give her husband a quick kiss. "You are so lucky that I love you, even when you insult my cooking," she said with a fake pout.

"Love Daddy," Jake piped in.

"You look exhausted. Did something happen?" Sam asked, concern starting to color her brilliant blue eyes.

"Yeah, actually something did. I need to talk with you once the kids are asleep."

"SGC?"

"No, this one's personal."

OoOoOo

After a pleasant dinner on the balcony of their apartment (penthouse actually), Jack and Sam got the twins ready for bed. Baths, bedtime stories, and a lullaby rounded out the rituals that had developed for this small family during the Jake and Grace's first two years of life.

Once two very reluctant sets of eyes had closed for the night, Sam turned to Jack and offered, "Why don't you sit down, I'll get us some coffee."

"Okay, that would be nice," Jack replied.

By 2000 hours the couple was sitting quietly on the balcony sipping coffees. Sam waited for Jack to get around to whatever it was he needed to say. (She'd finally figured out that the wait and see approach worked well when Jack wanted to discuss personal issues. The more she pushed, the more he'd close down.)

"I had a visitor today. Said she was a Post reporter scheduled for an interview. Seems it wasn't exactly the truth. Says she's my sister."

"But, you don't…"

"Right. Just read this, will ya?" He said, handing her the letter.

After a few minutes of reading, feeling Jack's eyes on her all the time, Sam looked up, locking eyes with her husband. "Wow, this is amazing. You haven't heard from your mom since she left, right?"

"Yeah, that's right." After the brief acknowledgement, Jack lapsed into his usual silence. For a few moments they both sat looking out at the stars on a beautifully clear night. Then, still looking at the stars, Jack began, "Maureen, the lady who says she's my sister, she's a red-head with stunning green eyes, just like Mom. She says Mom's dying."

Sam heard a sharp intake of breath from her husband, sitting as he was just to her side. She reached over to take his hand and felt his fingers close around her own.

After a few moments, Jack pulled away, stood up and walked back into the apartment. Initially content to stay on the balcony and wait him out, Sam was startled by the noise of dishes crashing to the floor. Turning around, she found that Jack had picked up a stack of freshly washeddinner platesand thrown them against the wall. His face a mask of rage, he turned to face her.

"How can she come back into my life NOW? She has no right!"

"Jack, she's your mother, always will be." Sam said in a soft voice, certain the twins would add their screaming to Jack's shouting any second now.

"Never meant much to her before, did it. She left me with that son of a bitch!" He bellowed in a tone that would have frightened most anyone. Sam remained steadfast and undeterred, having learned that for her husband anger often came before the true feelings.

And she was right. With his last statement, Jack started to sink to the floor, the fight and anger draining from him, replaced by sadness and grief. These were the emotions he'd struggled against most of his life. Now sitting on the floor propped against the kitchen wall, his eyes surveying the broken dishes, he saw Sam move to sit down beside him. Wise woman that she was, she sat there waiting for the rest of the storm to pass, ever so grateful that for some reason the twins seemed to have slept through their father's outburst.

She didn't have to wait long. Jack turned towards her with tears in his sad, dark brown eyes, reaching his hand up to gently cup her cheek. "I love you. Sorry about the dishes," he said sotto voice.

"That's some way to clear a table." She teased softly.

"One of my secret talents."

"Come here, you," Sam whispered, wrapping her arms around Jack and pulling him to her. His head on her breast, he sobbed out the grief that had been locked away for much too long. It was the grief of a young boy who'd been abandoned and a man who'd never forgotten the loss.

Sam simply held him and let him cry.

OoOoO

Moments later the tears stopped. Jack pulled back, looked in his wife's eyes and gave her half a grin. "Did I say I love you?"

"Yeah, but you can say it again." Sam grinned back before offering her opinion. She knew it was what her husband was asking. "I think you should talk to Maureen some more, get a better feeling about what's going on, what happened after your mom left. What have you got to loose?"

"How 'bout what's left of my sanity?"

Sam smiled as usual at Jack's lame attempt at humor, but wouldn't let herself be distracted. "So we'll have a Plan B."

"And what would plan B be?"

"If we don't like what she has to say, we'll go through the Stargate to another planet, where no one's heard of Maureen Cramer and they sell sanity cheap. What do you think?"

It was Jack's turn to laugh.

* * *

_I appreciate all of the comments on the last chapter and am very aware of the depth of feeling the situation in this particular story may touch in some hearts (mine included). As everyone knows there are no easy answers to these family dilemmas. And there won't be any magical, science fiction solutionsto this one either._

_As you can tell from this chapter, Jack's reactions run the gamut of emotions and he'll need to lean on the people who mean the most to him – a position which is unfamiliar for him._

_Everyone handles situations in their own way. The story that unfolds here is simply the story of how I think the character I know as Jack O'Neill would deal with this difficult situation._

_Again, your continued feedback is most appreciated._


	5. Chapter 5 Getting to Know You

"_If we don't like what she has to say, we'll go through the Stargate to another planet where no one's ever heard of Maureen Cramer and they sell sanity cheap. What do you think?"_

_It was Jack's turn to laugh._

* * *

CHAPTER 5: GETTING TO KNOW YOU 

After talking things out with Sam, Jack was able to sleep, a bit more secure than when he'd first made it home from the office. The next day he'd called "that little twit, Archer", whose opinion he'd actually come to respect over the past couple of years. He'd gone in to speak with Major Ben Archer, his counselor from rehab, later that day. As always, Ben had challenged some of Jack's perceptions, encouraging him to do what he felt was best, even if it wasn't the easiest course of action.

That night, Jack called Maureen, certain of at least one thing – the need to come to terms with his feelings for the sake of his own wife and kids. If doing this, talking with Maureen and maybe eventually his mother, would make him a better man for them, as Archer suggested, he was willing. Sure didn't look forward to it, but he was willing.

After a security check turned up no red flags, except a penchant for slightly unorthodox methods of getting a story (go figure!), Sam had suggested they invite Maureen to the apartment for dinner.

"It's just the apartment," she'd said. If you don't want it to go any further, she doesn't even know where home is in the Springs. And the kids will be a great distraction. If by the time Grace and Jake are ready for bed, you don't like the feel of the evening, it'll be a good time to send her packing."

"Tell me again why I want to do this."

"Jack, you know I don't expect you to do anything, right? It's up to you. Each step of this has to be your choice."

"I know."

"If you would rather leave it alone, I'm with you. Understand? Whatever you decide, I'll be there."

"But you think I should see her, don't you?"

"I don't know, Jack. As much as I love you and as close as we've become these past few years I still can't feel exactly what you're feeling. And I certainly didn't live your life. But sometimes I wonder what things would have been like if I'd never reconciled with my dad. I wouldn't have been military, probably wouldn't have met you. And I'm pretty sure I'd have a lot of regrets, guilt, and bad feelings about him right now."

"You'll be there, right?"

"I'd like to see you try to get rid of me, Mister."

OoOoOo

Maureen arrived about 1700 hours. She brought dessert, chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream. Sam was glad she'd been the one to call and invite her. Maureen had planned to bring a bottle of wine and Sam was able to let her know Jack didn't drink, avoiding at least one potentially awkward moment.

Jack met his sister at the door, the twins running just behind their dad to see the newcomer for themselves. Maureen eyed them with a soft smile as they peered out from behind their father's legs.

"Hey you two, come on out. I thought you wanted to meet Maureen," Jack encouraged, knowing that their initial adventurous spirit was often overcome by a wariness of strangers.

"Mow..ree, Hi Mow..ree," Grace ventured, peaking her head of soft blond curls out from behind her dad and gradually easing out to stand before the guest. "Com'on," she said, reaching up for Maureen's hand. Maureen looked up at Jack for approval and then followed the little girl to the living room.

By now, Jake had warmed to the situation and chased after his sister, not wanting to be left behind.

"Mow…ree, me Jake," he announced proudly.

"Hello, Jake, I'm very glad to meet you," Maureen replied, getting down on her knees to look him in the eye. "I bet you are … three years old."

Jake shook his head vigorously and giggled, "No, silly, me two."

"Okay, two it is." Maureen looked up to see Sam standing in the living room entrance with Jack.

"Maureen, this is my wife, Sam. Sam this is Maureen Cramer."

For the next two hours, the three adults made small talk and enjoyed a nice dinner, punctuated by the usual challenges of eating dinner with two toddlers. Actually the antics of Grace and Jake as well as their natural innocence went a long way towards making the first part of the evening fairly pleasant.

"Well I think it's time for two little munchkins to get ready for bed," Jack announced shortly after everyone had finished dessert. "If you'll excuse me, it's my turn to do the honors." He promptly scooped up one twin under each arm, much to their delight, and transported them to the nursery, giggling all the way.

Once Jack had left, Maureen turned to Sam. "He's really good with them."

"Yes, he is. Natural born dad material I've always said. Just watching him with kids before we were married, I knew he'd be a great father."

"From what my mom says, he certainly didn't inherit the trait from his dad.'

"No," Sam said, wincing slightly and looking down, "I'm afraid he didn't." Sam got up from the table and began to clear, Maureen instinctively moving to help her.

"You don't have to do that. I'll just be a minute."

"I'd really like to help, it'll make me feel more comfortable. Not that you haven't been very welcoming, Sam, it's just… this is…."

"Difficult, awkward?"

"Yeah, that and a lot more. Sam, I just want my mom's last days to be peaceful. This is what she seems to want more than anything. Honestly, I had no idea how hard this could be for Jack."

"I know. Let's sit down for a few minutes. The twins will keep their Dad tied up for a good half hour. That'll give us a chance to talk." Pouring coffees, Sam handed one to Maureen and carried her own out to the balcony.

"So, you work for the Post. That must be interesting."

"It is some days, Sam. But I'd give it all up for a chance at a family like you have. The twins are marvelous! Looks like you're doing a fine job with them."

"Thanks for saying that. Sometimes I wonder. Jack's the more experienced parent you know."

"Really, how so?" Maureen asked, genuinely curious.

"Jack was married before and had a son, Charlie."

"He must be grown by now, right?"

"No, Charlie died. There was a terrible accident."

"How awful!" Maureen exclaimed, truly distraught by the revelation. Seeing Sam's closed down expression, she sensed no more details would be forthcoming. "Jack's had a lot of grief in his life, hasn't he?"

"Yes, he has. Probably more than most people can imagine."

"But it looks like you've been able to make up for a lot of it. He seems happy with you."

"We are happy, Maureen. It was a long time coming. We worked together nearly ten years before we even dated. I like to think of us as a team, committed to each other for always."

"That I definitely envy. Have you been married before?" She asked with interest.

"No, I haven't. Almost though, twice. Both would have been terrible mistakes."

"Well I made one of those mistakes a few years back," Maureen volunteered. "Still reeling from it. Divorce does a lot to your self confidence, but nothing like what my mom went through with Jack's dad."

"Heard my name, ladies. Not talking about me behind my back now, are we?" Jack asked, half teasing as he joined the two women.

"Don't flatter yourself, flyboy," Sam teased back. "Actually, Maureen noticed how great you are with the twins and I had to agree with her."

"Well, I'm open for any compliments you can send my way. In fact, I believe I just set the speed record for getting the munchkins settled in for the night. The excitement of meeting you must have tired them out, Maureen. They're usually good for at least another half hour of stalling tactics."

After a round of chuckles from everyone, Jack sat down next to Sam at the patio table and sipped an iced tea Sam had brought out for him. Reluctantly, he began. "I'm glad you were willing to come, Maureen. I'll bet this isn't easy for you, either. My friends tell me I'm not the easiest person to get to know."

Sam smiled and grabbed her husband's hand, then turned toward Maureen and asked, "What else can you tell us about what's happening with your mother?"

"I guess we can't avoid the main topic much longer, can we?" Maureen began, clearly pained to discuss her mother's illness and inevitable loss. "Mom has pancreatic cancer. We've known for nearly a year. The doctors say it's miraculous she's lasted this long. She only started to get really sick a month ago. For the past three weeks she's been on home hospice care. The pain's getting worse but the nurses have been great about providing just enough medication to get her through and still allow her to be lucid."

Maureen looked down, obviously trying to compose herself. When she looked forward again she addressed her brother directly. "Jack, when she saw your picture in the Post a couple of weeks ago, it was like an answer to prayer. You see, she'd tried to find you after your aunt and uncle died, but the military wasn't having any of it. The answer was always that you were on a classified mission or your information was confidential. Of course you'd listed no next of kin, so telling them she was your mother didn't exactly help her credibility."

Jack winced noticeably, closed his eyes and exhaled sharply, grateful for the warmth of Sam's hand still cradling his own. "In all honesty, Maureen, I can understand why my mother wants to see me now. She wants to clear her conscience before she dies. But I'm not sure I want to see her. I've already grieved my mother. What's to be gained by going through it all over again?"

"Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Who am I to say? I know I can't possibly understand what you're feeling. I had the benefit of a very happy childhood with two parents who loved me very much. Probably a lot like the life the two of you are giving the twins. And here I am, pleading the case of a mother I love to a son she left behind. If our positions were reversed, I'd probably tell you to go to hell. I just hope you can find it in your heart to do better than that."

"And what would better be, Maureen?"

"To let a dying woman see her son one more time. To let her look in your eyes and tell you how sorry she is. Would it be so bad to give her that much?"

Maureen was weeping freely now, dabbing softly at her eyes.

OoOoOo

After Maureen had left Jack and Sam settled down together. He noticed how quiet she was and had to ask.

"What are you thinking?"

"Hmm? Just that I'm a little envious I guess. I know it's strange, but I'd give anything to see my mother again even if it was just to say goodbye. I know it's not the same thing Jack and I don't mean to compare our situations…"

"But you did loose your mother right around the same time I did."

"Yes. All of this brings some of my memories back too."

"I don't get a 'do-over' on this do I, Sam."

"You mean do you get to change your mind once she'd gone? No, Jack, you don't. It's a one time offer, I'm afraid. No time machines, magic crystals or Tokra memory devices."

"What do you say we sleep on it?"

"I think we can do that," she said, kissing him gently and leading him to their bedroom, hoping they'd both be able to sleep.

* * *

A/N: Again I'm anxious to hear your thoughts on this part of the story. More coming soon. Thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6 His Most Difficult Mission

"_What do you say we sleep on it?"_

"_I think we can do that," she said, kissing him gently and leading him to their bedroom, hopeful that they'd both be able to sleep. _

* * *

CHAPTER 6: HIS MOST DIFFICULT MISSION 

Since the O'Neills moved their full time residence to Colorado Springs, Sam's direct contact with the NID lab she had started was limited to bimonthly visits. She retained title of supervisor and director, but for the most part, responsibility for the day to day operation of the facility had been given to Beverly Picard.

This morning, Sam arrived at theNID lab just a little after 0900. It had been a long night. After laying awake holding each other and talking for a good half hour, she'd finally heard Jack's breathing even out, a sure sign he was asleep. She and Jack slept soundly until little Jake climbed onto their bed about three hours ago, wide awake. Jack took breakfast detail so Sam could get to the lab where an experiment was awaiting her attention. Unfortunately, this was one she couldn't delegate to an assistant.

But she wasn't at the top of her game. Her thoughts were home with Jack. He'd made the decision to visit his mother. She'd offered to go with him, but he'd rightly seen this as something he needed to do on his own. If the visit went well, she might have a chance to meet her mother-in-law. Wow, the idea felt strange, even to her. She couldn't imagine what Jack was going through.

Sam thought back to Jack's retelling of his visit with Ben Archer earlier in the day. Ben had told her husband "the act of forgiving does more for the person doing the forgiving that the one being forgiven." The more she thought about it, the more sense it seemed to make. She hoped and prayed this would be true for Jack.

OoOoOo

Maureen was shocked when her new found brother called. He told her he wanted to visit their mother _this morning_, "if it was a good time". All she could say was "of course." She invited him to stay for lunch but wasn't surprised when he'd declined. She was beginning to understand how hard this might be for him and was fairly amazed he'd decided to come so soon (or at all for that matter).

She wasn't expecting the vision that arrived at her door an hour later. Lieutenant General O'Neill in his dress blues, replete with enough medals to impress… well just about anyone she knew. He looked so … official, handsome and a bit intimidating. Okay, a lot intimidating. Maybe that was his plan. She was disappointed Sam hadn't come with him. It was going to take awhile for Maureen to be comfortable with her brother, but she'd felt a connection with Sam right from the start.

"Good morning, Jack. Thank you for coming. It means a great deal," Maureen said by way of welcome, showing him into the gracious sitting room just off the foyer. "Mom was glad to hear you were coming. She'll be out in a few minutes. Her aide is helping her get ready."

"Is she strong enough for this…coming out here, I mean. Would it be better for her to stay in bed? I could go to her." Jack offered.

"No, she wants to do this, Jack. This is hard for her too. Please believe me when I tell you, she is very much aware of the damage she's caused. She needs to meet you with as much dignity as she has left."

Jack nodded silently. Maureen motioned him to take a seat and offered coffee which he declined, opting to pick up a stirrer to fill his need for something to fiddle with while he waited.

He didn't need to wait long. He heard the telltale sound of rollers on the hardwood floor as a frail older woman entered the room behind a rolling walker, a petite nurse's aide at her right shoulder. It was clear that this woman had been tall and stately in bearing at one time, but now she was hunched over the walker, her frame wasted, clearly in some degree of discomfort. Her graying hair was still luxuriant but showed no trace of the vibrant red color that had always distinguished her in her son's eyes. But her face, aside from a few winkles, was the same. Her eyes alight, her smile radiant, as she saw her son. Her son, the man, the Air Force General, he'd come.

Watching her now, Jack had no doubt that, without the cancer, she'd be a strong, vibrant woman, even at the age of seventy-two. Even crippled by the disease she exuded a confidence that he'd never seen when he was a boy.

Jack stood, almost at attention, to meet his mother again after nearly forty years. Margaret O'Neill Cramer made the first move, coming to stand directly before her son and looking up to meet stern brown eyes and an unyielding military countenance.

"You're an important looking man, Jack. If you weren't my son, I might be a little intimidated. Please, sit down. We have a lot to talk about."

He found himself doing as she asked. His mother's voice was essentially unchanged from when he'd last heard it. Maureen used the moment to take her leave.

"I'm going to leave you two alone now. Just call if you need anything."

"Thank you, honey," Margaret replied, smiling wistfully after her daughter's retreating form. Maureen had been good to her during her sickness. She owed her daughter a great deal. Ruefully, she realized that debt paled in comparison to the one she owed the man sitting before her.

"I needed to see you, Jack. I know it was a selfish request that you come, but I have to talk with you while there's still time. I need to tell you what's in my heart."

Jack sat unmoving, his face the military mask, schooled over long years of training and combat. This mission was as tough as any assignment he'd had, especially when it came to mastering his emotions.

"I'm here. What is it you want to tell me?" he asked in a tone more formal than necessary.

Margaret Cramer looked intently at her son's chiseled, care-worn features, eventually focusing on the deep brown eyes that reminded her of his father. She had a brief recollection of the days she'd truly loved Jonathan O'Neill before the abuse had become common place.

"Jack, I'm sorry I left like I did. I didn't know what else to do. I thought you'd be okay."

_I was twelve years old and you left me with a drunk. What did you think was going to happen? A happy childhood? _He thought. What could he say to this sick woman?

"Well here I am. I guess I'm okay, right?"

"It looks to me like you're much more than okay, Jack O'Neill. Maureen tells me you have a very responsible position. And just look at all those medals! Oh my, you must have won some verydifficult battles. And children, Maureen says you have children."

"Yes, twins, Jake and Grace," he answered with restraint.

"I'm glad. Jack, please believe me when I say I wanted to come back. I thought about you every night, especially those first two years. But I was afraid."

"When Dad died, what were you afraid of then? Why didn't you come?" His questions had gotten out before he could edit them. He really did not want to hurt this woman. It was obvious she was in enough pain already.

"I thought you were better off with Dorothy and Ed. My sister had married a good man, someone who treated her with love and respect. Oh how I envied her! Jack, whatever you think of me, I decided you needed to see that kind of love. You needed to see that things between a man and woman could be different than what you saw with your father and me. Dorothy and Ed were your chance. I was still alone. I wanted you to learn what a marriage was supposed to be. From what Maureen tells me about you and Sam, I think you learned pretty well."

"Sam has a lot to do with that," he said levelly, convinced that in many ways Sam had been his salvation. God knows, it was unlikely he'd have been here today without her.

"It's Samantha, isn't it? Maureen seems to like her. She must be a very special woman. I'm glad she's been good for you. You deserve to love and be loved by a good woman."

Jack sighed audibly and closed his eyes briefly, trying to regain his composure. His mother caught the gesture and tried to respond the best she could.

"By the time I met Maureen's father I was forty years old. I'd thought my life was over for a long time. But when I met Jim everything changed. And then Maureen was born. At forty-two, there I was with a new baby. I thought I had another chance to be a good mother. I'd followed your story, checked in every so often and heard from people that you were well. By the time I married Jim you were a cadet at the Academy. You had a life, all I ever wanted for you."

"Did Aunt Dorothy know where you were?"

"No, I never contacted her Jack. I knew she'd tell you. I couldn't deal with it. I just wanted to be sure you were okay.'

"You mean you couldn't deal with me, don't you?"

Margaret hung her head for a moment and a look of infinite sadness came over her face. "I couldn't admit it to myself at the time, Jack, but that's probably the truth. I couldn't deal with you because you reminded me of what I'd done by leaving you behind. The longer I waited, the harder it was to do anything."

"Yeah, well I appreciate your honesty."

There was silence for a few moments. Jack fiddled with his stirrer, trying to calm his wildly flailing mind. Finally, Margaret broke the spell with a happier memory.

"I remember when you worked in the shop with your dad. It was like there was nothing wrong in the family. It was just the two of you, working side by side, making some really beautiful things. Do you remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. I remember almost cutting a finger off on the circular saw one day." Jack chuckled in spite of himself at the memory of being all thumbs at the beginning. "Dad was actually pretty patient teaching me."

"You took what was good in your father and you became your own man, Jack. That's all any mother could ask. You're a fine man. Despite what I did you've become a strong man, strong enough to come here today. I thank you for that, Jack."

As he looked up, Jack saw tears in Margaret's eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes, Jack. They're happy tears."

"That's what Sam calls them. She does that to me a lot. Really gets me going too."

To Jack's dismay, that only made Margaret cry harder. "I've missed your life. I'm so sorry. I hope some day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me." Before Jack knew what was happening, he'd gotten up from his secure, solitary seat and walked across the room to where his mother sat, alone in the middle of an oversized davenport. Sitting next to her, he gently draped an arm around her shoulder, somewhat taken aback to find her slowly moving into his embrace. He could feel her fragile frame shaking with sobs. Jack found himself making small shushing sounds, much as his mother had done for him when he was small and had scraped a knee or was afraid of the dark. Lots like he did these days for the twins.

His mother's tears wet his uniform jacket, the cloak of armor he'd subconsciously brought with him for protection. Soon, his own eyes were wet with tears as well. It was done. He gave it up. He'd never wanted to hate her.

OoOoOo

A few minutes later as Maureen walked by to check on them, she was pleasantly surprised to find her mother's diminutive form wrapped in her brother's arms. Her eyes met Jack's briefly. They acknowledged each other in the way that siblings do. Maureen smiled gently and left them to their task.

* * *

A/N: It's been helpful to hear from so many of you with your thoughts about this story. Please continue to send your feedback. I'm planning one more chapter for this story, hopefully posted by the end of the week. 


	7. Chapter 7 Resolution

Chapter 7: Resolution 

Finally, the very long day had come to an end.

Jack sat on the balcony, alone, staring out at the Washington skyline. General Hammond's granddaughters, Amber and Stephanie, now in their late teens, had watched the twins all day. They'd gone home just a few minutes ago. Now Sam was inside settling Jake and Grace for the night.

Jack O'Neill had buried his mother today. Margaret O'Neill Cramer, a woman who'd been dead to him over forty years ago and resurrected no more than ten days ago, was laid to rest today, attended by family and friends. Both of her children were there, in the front of the church and again at the graveside. Sam had held his hand throughout the day, gently offering her support and staying close by. When Jack had chosen to leave immediately after the graveside service, she'd left with him, politely saying goodbye to Maureen, before the rest of the gathering went back to the house for an old fashioned Irish wake.

This time he'd had the chance to say goodbye. In the process, he'd found blessings he'd never expected.

He'd been surprised how easy it was to let go of his anger, his hatred. All he needed was to see her, to hear her voice. He'd never wanted to hate her. He'd wanted to protect her. But at twelve, he hadn't the strength to be her defender. This week, he'd been strong in a totally different way. Emotional strength wasn't exactly a trait people connected with Jack O'Neill. But he'd faced the challenge. With the help of Sam and the love of his children he'd faced the challenge of a lifetime.

Jack sensed Sam's presence before he felt her lips gently graze his cheek or her arms slowly wind their way around his neck. And then he heard her whispering in his ear, "I'm very proud of you." He closed his eyes and let his wife's words sink in. He loved her so much. It still amazed him how much weight her opinion carried for him.

"How are you doing?" she asked gently, slipping a cold drink into his hand and pulling a chair up close beside him.

"Good, I'm good, Sam," he said, then paused to think a bit more. "I don't know," he added absently, "I'm a little off somehow. An awful lot has happened in the past week. I've met a sister I never knew I had, a mother I'd lost long ago and now I've said good-bye, again. It's a lot to take in."

"It is, Jack. It's going to take time. Believe me, I know. It takes time no matter how you loose them – your parents I mean."

"No matter how you loose them," Jack echoed.

OoOoOo

(Four days earlier)

Within a day of Jack's first visit, Margaret had taken to her bed. Though both Maureen and the nurses found her very much at peace, her vital functions were failing. As the day wore on she was less alert, sleeping more of the time. In short, she appeared ready to die.

Maureen was certain it would be at least a day or two. Her mother had one more thing to do – meet her grandchildren. Jack had offered to bring Sam and the twins to meet Margaret and Maureen knew her mother wouldn't miss that for the world.

Jack was true to his word. Two days after his visit, he returned with Sam, Grace and Jake. Maureen noticed he didn't tell the children Margaret was their grandmother and her mother didn't push the subject. After all, there were some things that would never be quite right. But as they visited in the bedroom, Margaret reminded her daughter of a queen holding court. She was beaming and the children were attentive, mesmerized by the special gifts Margaret had prepared for them.

The gifts looked familiar to Jack, but he couldn't quite place them. For the life of him, he didn't know where his mother could have found these items. They looked like genuine collectables, decades old.

_A Mister Ed talking hand puppet and a Davy Crockett coonskin cap … it can't be_, he thought. _She kept them!_ He'd outgrown them by age six, thought they'd been tossed away or packed up in the attic. He was inseparable from those two playthings almost through the first grade. _Used to think I was the coolest of the cool, wearing Davy Crockett's hat and let's face it, Mr. Ed was just fun!_

The hat went right on Jake's head and he pranced around like he was "the coolest". _Like father like son._ Grace inherited Mr. Ed and took to the talking horse suggestion with no trouble whatsoever.

After twenty minutes or so, it was clear that Margaret was rapidly tiring, Sam graciously bid her goodbye, Margaret kissed the children and Jack was left alone with his mother.

"I have a gift for you too, Jack."

"You've already given away all my favorite stuff, mom!" he teased in his normal Jack O'Neill tone before he could catch the words or remember this was not an ordinary situation.

Margaret smiled softly and took his hand. She didn't miss the fact that he'd actually called her mom. "I'm going to give you one of my favorite things." Lifting up a small carved wooden box, he placed it in Jack's hand. "Do you recognize it?"

It took him all of five seconds to recognize the gift he'd made for Mother's Day when he was ten years old. In one of the rare, peaceful moments he recalled from his childhood, his father had shown him how to fashion the jewel box in the woodshop and instructed him in carving the intricate design. He held it in his hands, closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his emotions, so frighteningly close to the surface right now.

"I don't know what to say. You've kept it all this time?"

"Yes, Jack. It's always meant a great deal to me. My son made it. It is a family heirloom, you know. I'm hoping someday you'll pass it on to the children."

"I'd be happy to do that, Mom."

OoOoOo

(The night of the funeral)

The car pulled out of the driveway, its jerky motion a sure sign that the driver was under the influence. As it took off down the neighborhood street, tires screeching, a tall lanky adolescent boy took off after it, pedaling as fast as he could on his bike. The rain fell harder and the wind blew. The boy's face was stung by the pelting rain and his heart beat faster with fear. He hated it when his father took off like this.

He rode as fast as he could, struggling to stay close to his dad's car. He had to catch him this time. He just had to catch him. If only he could make him stop before it was too late, before he heard the crash he'd heard a thousand times before this night. There it was, the final turn before the embankment. Now, it was now…

The scene changed. The boy found himself at home. Dry, warm, calm in his own room, he sat on his bed. Familiar arms wrapped around him. A soothing voice told him it wasn't his fault. The voice assured him he'd been a good son and would grow into a good man. He knew the voice, but she'd been gone so long. It was his mother's voice he heard, his mother's touch he felt, his mother's comfort he now enjoyed.

The End


End file.
